The Invisible Weight Women Carry During the Holidays (And How to Choose Yourself This Thanksgiving)

By Amaliah, founder, The Growth Collective

Thanksgiving is supposed to be about warmth, connection, and gratitude… and yet every year, so many women walk into the holiday feeling something quietly heavy underneath their sweater: pressure.

The pressure to host. The pressure to keep the peace. The pressure to make sure everyone is okay. And the pressure to pretend you’re okay, even when you’re exhausted, resentful, overwhelmed, or running on fumes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how often women — especially eldest daughters, high achievers, caretakers, the emotional-glue-of-the-family types — end up holding the emotional labor of the holiday without even realizing they’re doing it. You’re planning the menu, texting the group chat, organizing the details, navigating the dynamics, checking in on the people who “aren’t doing well,” all while managing your own life, stress, grief, mood shifts, and seasonal fatigue.

And the truth is: Most of us weren’t taught how to have holidays that don’t require self-abandonment.

But what if this year gets to be different?

The Thanksgiving Mental Load No One Talks About

There’s the cooking, the cleaning, the prepping — but women also carry the feeling work:

• Sensing tension before it happens

• Making sure relatives don’t argue

• Being the one people confide in

• Acting as the unspoken “therapist” of the family

• Managing everyone else’s expectations

• Pretending everything is seamless and effortless

It’s a lot. It’s invisible. And it’s deeply woven into how many of us were raised.

If you’ve ever walked away from a holiday feeling emotionally hungover, disconnected from yourself, overstimulated, or “weirdly sad,” this is why. It’s not just the crowd. It’s not just the food. It’s not just the routine change.

It’s the pressure to perform the version of you your family expects.

Maybe This Year, You Choose a Different You

Thanksgiving can feel complicated. You can love your family and still feel overwhelmed. You can be grateful and still want to be alone. You can appreciate tradition and still need boundaries.

Let this be the year you normalize:

• Saying “no” to what drains you

• Leaving early without guilt

• Not over-explaining

• Asking for help instead of doing it all

• Buying pre-made food (yes, queen, you are still a good host if you do this)

• Taking breaks in another room

• Being more human and less perfect

There is no trophy for suffering through the holiday to keep the peace.

You don’t have to shape-shift yourself into the version others find easiest to digest.

If Thanksgiving Feels Heavy, You’re Not Broken — You’re Aware

For many women, the holidays bring up:

• Childhood roles

• Old wounds

• Grief

• Family conflict

• People-pleasing urges

• A desire to disappear

• Pressure to smile through discomfort

• Deep exhaustion that feels physical

This doesn’t make you dramatic. It makes you attuned. And attunement is actually a sign of emotional maturity — not weakness.

If anything, it means your body has noticed the places where you’ve been carrying too much, holding too much, or giving too much.

Your Permission Slip for This Thanksgiving

Take slow breaths. Take breaks. Ask for help.Set limits. Be honest with yourself. Choose softness over perfection. Honor what your body is telling you. And remember: You don’t owe everyone a polished version of yourself.

You deserve a holiday that feels safe, warm, and grounded — not performative.

And if this season brings up old patterns, you’re not alone. So many women walk into November with full hearts and tired nervous systems.

You’re allowed to create a new way of being. You’re allowed to choose yourself.

And if no one has told you yet: I’m so grateful you’re here. I’m so grateful you’re doing the inner work. I’m so grateful you’re breaking generational cycles one boundary at a time.