love, but not the hallmark kind

hi friend,

let’s talk about valentine’s day.

not the glittery, prix-fixe, “prove it to me with roses” version. not the algorithm-curated, couple-selfie, soft-launch-your-relationship kind.

i want to talk about the quiet love.the complicated love. the love that doesn’t photograph well.

you know the kind.

the love that looks like staying in therapy even when you’d rather ghost your own healing. the love that looks like not texting the person who only loves you in crumbs.the love that looks like sitting with your grief instead of outrunning it.

that kind.

valentine’s day has a way of poking at old bruises.

if you’re partnered, it can stir up the unspoken things —the “why don’t we feel how we used to?”the “why do i feel alone next to someone?”the “why is loving you sometimes so hard?”

if you’re single, it can whisper that you’re behind. that you’re missing something. that everyone else got a manual you didn’t.

but here’s what i’d tell you if we were sitting at my kitchen table:

love is not a performance.

it’s a practice.

and it’s rarely tidy.

love is not always soft

sometimes love is boundaries.

sometimes love is saying, “no more.”sometimes love is realizing that chemistry is not compatibility. sometimes love is admitting you stayed too long because being chosen felt safer than being alone.

i know.

and sometimes love is choosing to rebuild —slowly, awkwardly, imperfectly —with someone who is willing to grow with you.

but none of it is instagrammable.

real love is deeply unglamorous.

it’s repair conversations. it’s attachment wounds getting activated at 9:47pm on a tuesday. it’s “i’m sorry.”it’s “that hurt.”it’s “i’m scared you’ll leave.”it’s “i don’t know how to do this better yet, but i want to.”

that’s the holy stuff.

and self-love? let’s redefine that too.

self-love isn’t bath bombs and face masks.(it can be. but that’s the easy part.)

self-love is:

– going to therapy when you’re tired of talking about your childhood– eating dinner even when you feel anxious– not shrinking to make someone else comfortable– letting yourself want more

self-love is not ego. it’s self-respect.

it’s learning that your nervous system deserves safety.that your body deserves tenderness.that your heart deserves reciprocity.

if this day feels heavy

maybe you’re grieving a relationship.maybe you’re in one and questioning it.maybe you’re exhausted from trying.maybe you’re quietly hopeful.maybe you’re rebuilding trust — in someone else or in yourself.

all of it belongs here.

love is not linear. healing is not aesthetic. and you are not late.

if anything, you are becoming more honest. and that’s braver than roses.

so this valentine’s day, i don’t want you to prove anything.

not your worth. not your desirability. not your independence.

i want you to practice the kind of love that steadies you.

the kind that doesn’t abandon you when things get complicated.

the kind that says,“i see you — messy, tender, growing — and i’m staying.”

with warmth,

tgc 🤍